When it comes to writing, I seem to only be able to express my good/happy emotions.
But when I'm sad and lonely, I just hide it. Lie when asked if something's wrong.

Of course something is wrong!
I fell in love.

Now don't get me wrong, love is absolutely wonderful...
It's just what happens when all the wonderfulness ends.

You fight, you stop talking, you try to move on.
You end up cringing when their name is mentioned.

Then one day, they somehow come back into your life.
Or into one of your friends' who then informs you about it.
Either way.
This person that hurt you seems to be human again, with feelings.
Making forgetting them, and not thinking about them so much harder.
Even though you haven't talked to that person in a while, you can tell how they have changed back to the person you fell for...

Moving on is hard, and even when you think you have... something may happen that has you falling all over again.

A word to the wise, embrace love... but don't let it get away.

-MelissaJane;

Well, rereading old posts isn't the best idea. Great.
Even more things to think about, to torture my brain with. Wee!

Too bad it weren't as simple as.
"I love you"
"I love you too, but it's not going to work...let's just be friends."
"Oh, yeah...that's cool."
and move on right then and there.

It has to be complicated.
"You don't love me."
"What, yeah I do!"
"you do what?"
"Nevermind."
"Don't worry. I love you too."
**
"Actually, love doesn't exist in my world."
"What?"
"Yeah, sorry...and I think I'm gay."
"What?!"
"Let's just be friends, okay?"
"Whatever, all I did was love you and you kept pushing me away."

There is never a end, even when you start to have feelings for someone else, you're still reminded of that person before. You start to feel like you don't want the complexity of love, that like would be nice. But then you get all these people saying they like you...and you want to just scream in there face. Yelling that they don't know you, that you don't want them, that you aren't ever going to be into them. You want to just tell them to fuck off, right then and there; but you don't, you're too kind and don't want to upset the male on the other side of the screen.

The most important part of the relationship is the like. Once you love someone it's forever, but if you don't like them anymore there's nothing to stick around for. Because you can HATE someone's guts, yet still love them with all you've got. Insane? - Perhaps. You should be best friends with your partner, you should be able to trust them with your innermost secrets, with your life & trust that it's kept monogamous.

No one, should ever tell someone they love them if they don't mean it. That's something everyone wants to feel; loved, accepted, understood, cared for...you can't just tell them one thing and then just take it away. It's cruel; heartbreaking, horrible. I know from experience.

Is it really so hard to find someone that can handle you in any mood, and still want & need to be with you?

- MelissaJane;

I love you.
I have for awhile now.
I didn't want to for a while, so I hid it.
I hid it from myself, I hid it from everyone.
Clearly, I didn't hid it well enough.
For Thanksgiving, I was asked what I was thankful for.
My parents said I was thankful for you.
And I am.
I have no idea where I would be if it weren't for you.

My heart races when I read "love" things...
Because I automatically think of you.
And I start to tear up.
But it's a good tearing up.

All my real smiles are saved for you.
The ones that make my face sore afterward.
The ones where my eyes show that I'm thinking of you.
The ones that make you smile too.

I can't tell you how I feel.
I'm scared I'll scare you away, again.
So, I'll just keep it to myself.
And hope you stop acting so strange.
Or it will just be so much harder for me.

Whatever you do,
please, don't desert me again.
That was hell.

You & Me, forever.
<3

Do you remember your dreams? Vaguely or clearly? Have they been precognitive?

Oddly enough, the only dreams I happen to remember are weird.
The events are unusual to my everyday life.
Or include people I wouldn't necessarily associate with on normal occasions.

Now, every one has "sex dreams". But those are not what I am talking about.

Lately, I have been finding myself alone with this one person at the end of the events.
Yet, I have never been alone with this person in a conscious state.
It seems to be recurring that this person is trying to comfort me.

My one friend is telling me that "it must mean something."

But what?!